2011年6月1日 星期三
Discussing Cause 2
On September 5, Michael Williams opened a small music store selling compact discs. Nevertheless, it didn’t last long and he closed his shop on September 19. Hence, according this situation there are some analysis below. The most obvious point is that the location is definitely not a good place. It’s because the shop is situated on the small side street just outside of town. Furthermore, it is near a shopping center that has two large music stores. The small shop can’t be compared to the music stores for the music stores are big and in good location. Second, the music style of CD is not so popular with the local residents because the majority of the locals are at the age of 51~60. However, there are still some teenagers but they don’t have the ability to purchase for they are too young. Third, the opening time is absolutely a critical point when it comes to the income of the shop. It only opened during Monday to Friday from 1 to 5 p.m. But this period didn’t attract a lot of people to visit. Many people prefer to go shopping when they have free time, especially on weekends. Finally, on account of not accepting checks or credit cards, Michael got fewer guests. Many people will consider it is not convenient for they don’t want to bring too much cash on hand. From what is mentioned above, the reasons why his shop closed down is very apparent and I think he should think twice before starting another biz.
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Hence, according this situation there are some analysis below.
回覆刪除>>>according this situation,...
Many people prefer to go shopping when they have free time, especially on weekends.
>>>prefer to ~ rather than 後面加V-ing
很多用詞都很精簡有利
文章流暢有邏輯
沒什麼大問題 :>
Hence, according this situation there are some analysis below. 喜歡這句:D
回覆刪除prefer to ~ rather than 後面不用加Vingui
(笨阿達xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD)
why his shop closed down is very apparent
apparent這個字用的真恰到好處xD 讚!
還是很棒:)
Vingui 那個ui不知道是瞎咪,當作沒看到吧~~~~
回覆刪除:目
don’t have the ability to purchase for they are too young.
回覆刪除這裡用because they are too young比較好的樣子~
其他的部分十分流暢~
分列點也很清楚~
很棒喔=)
The small shop can’t be compared to the music stores (for) the music stores are big and in good location./However, there are still some teenagers but they don’t have the ability to purchase (for) they are too young./Many people will consider it is not convenient (for) they don’t want to bring too much cash on hand
回覆刪除這三句的for可以斟酌使用喔~雖然很好用XD但如果可以換成其他的詞不重複的話~更好喔=))
The small shop can’t be compared to the music stores for the music stores are big and in good location.
回覆刪除後面的 music stores可以改成代名詞 they
才不會一直重複
為啥你的文章可以寫得這麼好 (admire...)
有訣竅嘛XDD
Hence, according this situation there are some analysis below.
回覆刪除--> according to
the reasons why his shop closed down is very apparent
-->the reasons why his shop closed down are~]
很棒!! 順暢又有條理
結論句的apparent用的很棒喔!o__<
回覆刪除回你的很輕鬆:>
Many people will consider it is not convenient for they don’t want to ~
回覆刪除// Many people will consider it not convenient for they didn’t want to ~
最後一個biz如果是我我還是會寫business因為biz比較偏俚語的感覺 較沒文章的正式